New Horizons! A better explanation to what’s going on!

These past few months, have been some of the most stressful I think I’ve ever experienced.

In March, Colby and I found out that my application for permanent residency into Canada had been randomly picked to be diverted to a different visa office, taking our timeline from a tiny 8-9 months, to almost 3 years.

I was in shock. I was devastated and I literally felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath me.  I went into panic mode because this is  probably the worst news we have received thus far.   My mind began reeling with scenarios and what our options were.  The thought of being unproductive and not being able to attend school or be separated from Colby so I could. . . .for 3 years always sent me into tears.

So began the process of praying really. . .really hard.  I think I’ve shed more scared tears the past few months than ever before.  Dreams for Canada basically went out the window.  It was a tough pill to swallow for Colby and I that we had (to no fault of our own) wasted the past year working tirelessly on an application that we had to leave behind.

ApplicationPicture

4 1/2 inches of stacked paper, 7 months of hard work!

I began to talk to my parents, obviously the first step to finding a new plan for us was to figure out what our options were.  My parents offered us a temporary place to stay at their home until we got our footing, if we decided to come back to the USA.  So we decided, ok we’re moving to Virginia.

Even though we had a plan at that point. I continued to just feel so uneasy and terrified of what was going to happen.   My heart was excited to be back close to my family, to be able experience things and see Colby interact with my family. . . but I felt so much guilt knowing I was taking Colby away from his family. I know the pain and frustration of not being home for Christmas, missing milestones in my siblings life and not being able to hug my parents when I need it.   So I kept telling myself that I’d just stay in Kelowna,  but even then. . .that didn’t make me feel better either.

I continued to just pray for an answer or to at least feel at peace with our decision to head back to the East Coast. . . but nothing that I did to try and progress to get there felt right.   Looking back on it now, I think that my lack of trust in Heavenly Father and having a constant panic clouded my ability to feel the spirit and have my decisions influenced by him. (Note to self, don’t do that again! haha)  There were so many stressful variables to moving to the East Coast. Colby and I were going to have to sell everything we have.  Our awesome King Bed, our 47 inch T.V my amazing electric fireplace Colby’s Auntey Carey gave us for Christmas. . . and there was a huge chance I’d have to leave my cat, Luna behind.  A U-haul was going to cost us well over $2500, with gas it just wasn’t going to be possible for us.   I’d have to put my parents out by having to house us, I didn’t know where we could earn good money at a good job, where we’d live that was affordable (Cause the only place affordable in Roanoke is in the ghetto part of town)  I was so stressed, so worried, I felt completely hopeless and stuck.

It was one afternoon that I was skyping with my cousin Sarah, we were reminiscing on past memories, like our annual barbie game we’d play on Thanksgiving when we were younger, when I would visit her when she was living in Maryland, and how awesome it was that I lived a 2 minute walk away in Utah, back in 2012.   I continued to gush about how much I missed it there, and if I had a choice I’d totally live in Utah again. It’s beautiful, it’s got a happy vibe to it, I have good memories there. . .. I mean heck, it’s where I spent my first week in person with Colby when I was 17 years old.   Then Sarah simply just stated the obvious . . . “Madylon, why don’t you move to Utah”  and . . .I stopped, and felt tears welling in my eyes. Why had I not thought of this before!?   Even thinking back on that moment, I get a little emotional because the feeling of relief I had when it clicked in my head that I could move to Utah.  I could keep all of my things, my cat, and we could be a somewhat equal distance between my family and Colby’s.  We could move to Utah.    

 

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Summer, 2012, Sarah and I had spent the afternoon doing temple work at the Provo Temple

 

I scrambled a text message to Colby, who was at work, telling him I had an epiphany and once I told him what had just happened he felt good about it too!  It was absolutely wonderful to be EXCITED in every aspect to move, and not dread how we were going to make it.   Renting a U-haul and driving to Orem, Utah is significantly cheaper than driving cross country.  It’s a college town, so  there are lots of people our age,  we can attend school, and we can get bangin’ awesome jobs.  We can finally experience living on our own completely, we can grow together and learn to depend on one another on a completely different level than we have before.   We can easily visit both of our families, we can finally experience being “newlyweds” and I’m so excited for that.   I’m SO excited to walk the streets and visit the places I visited when Colby and I met there.  It seems very fitting that the first place we rent our very own apartment from, work, and grow together as a married couple, be in the place where it really all began, in Provo Utah!

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Our FIRST picture ever together! I don’t look good whatsoever but I was so happy!

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We took a trip for the day down to Salt Lake City with Sarah and Dallin, to see museums of church history and eat at Cheesecake factory!

The thought of moving is very bittersweet to me.  I have really fallen in love with Kelowna.  It’s beautiful here, and I still love seeing a Canadian flag. The culture is interesting and even though I’ve felt the struggle in trying to fit in, me being from the south and having several complexes with what they call “country” up here, a piece of my heart is anchored here and I’ll always love Canada. I’ve made relationships with some amazing people, I’ve experiences things not everyone get’s to experience. I have lived in a different country, how cool is that!?  I’ve grown a lot and learned a lot living here.   I never thought the grass was greener here ….despite what everyone else thinks, I didn’t run away to Canada to get away from anyone ( I may have said a few choice times I couldn’t wait to get out of Roanoke, and leave everyone behind sometimes. . . yes. . .but moving to Canada was made as a decision on what was best for Colby and myself) I moved to start a life with Colby, and at the time, Canada was the place that had the most promise for our future together.  Life is unpredictable, we never saw my application being chucked into the deep dark hole that they call the LA Visa Office. . . but it did.    But even so, maybe Canada was only supposed to be a temporary stop for us at the beginning of our journey together.  If I know anything, it’s that I don’t have as much control as I thought I did.  There definitely is a higher power that has continued to look out for me and guide me to what I need to be doing.   So, in a way, I think things were meant to happen this way.  Canada was just a temporary stop for us. It was a small stepping stone to prepare us for bigger and better things.

We’re working now to get all the required documents ready to submit to get Colby a Green Card so he can legally live, work and study in the U.S.A.  The process is taking 8-12 months, which means we still have a while to go, but 12 months sounds a LOT better than 36.

I’m so ready for the immigration part of our relationship to be over.  It seems as if it’ll be never ending, but I know in the end all of the tears, both sad and angry with be so worth it.  I can’t imagine my life with anyone else. No one, has ever brought me so much joy, no one has ever helped me grow so much. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much. It seems crazy how lucky I was to be able to start a friendship and twitter pated romance at 16 and 3 years later be married to my best friend.   I think that this whole experience is a testament of itself on how strong our love is, and how nothing is going to get in the way. Aside from the fact that the odds are against us because of how young we are, add on the ridiculous truckloads of stress from immigration.  We are SO bulletproof after this.

I appreciate all the love and support we’ve received thus far from everyone when they’ve gotten word that we’re trying to make this work.  The financial part of our immigration journey isn’t going to be cheap, and so I’ve started a fundraiser online,  for anyone who wants to help us out!   http://http://www.gofundme.com/9xs2l0

I’m so excited for this next part of our journey together!

Thanks for reading this huge thing. .  if  you’ve made it this far!

xoxo

Madylon

He’s my best friend

Today I’ve been reading countless blogs on getting married young

Ironically, most of the people that wrote the blogs on “getting married young” got married at 20-23’ish . . .so maybe I’m like “super young” or even a baby still but whatever.

It’s kinda interesting how I still get craptalk from people and even total strangers about my timeline for starting my life and also for apparently “marrying a guy I didn’t know”. Comments like that are extremely funny to me. Because I bet you any amount of money – I know and knew Colby way better than anyone that lived or lives in close vicinity of their significant other.

It is a reality that Colby and I only were together in person 4 times (A total of 28 days when you add them all up together) before we decided we should close the gap between us, and also get engaged. When I do think that we only spent 28 days together in person, it kinda shocks me a little bit too, because that isn’t even a full month! There are TONS of reasons though, that I wouldn’t change anything about how we met – how our relationship progressed, how we maintained it and how we made it work. I say that because having so many miles between us, obviously there wasn’t time to sit and waste making out in the back of a car, or getting caught up in physical desires. Time together was more meaningful, we talked – about everything. I remember staying awake until 2:30 in the morning regularly (Obviously because there was also a 3 hour time difference) and talking about things that would pertain to our future selves. I’m pretty sure Colby and I covered every single topic under the sun that most people need to know about each other before they get married (and that’s all when I was 16-17). I got a book that had 1,000 questions in it to ask your significant other. We talked about careers, what kind of houses we wanted to have, what you would do if you lost a limb, kids, religion, financial responsibilities, healthy lifestyles, hobbies, heck, we even made lists of things that we had as “habits” or things we thought the other might not really like living with, so when I moved here, I knew Colby was going to throw his dirty smelly socks on the floor next to his bed, listen to his music way louder than he should, and Colby knew I had a tendency to leave cupboard doors open or that sometimes when brushing my teeth I don’t rinse down that random glob of toothpaste that sits in the sink.
I knew Colby on such a personal level without even having to be there in person with him. We talked all day through text messaging, and then we talked until very early in the morning through skype and usually fell asleep together on it as well.

So when someone accusingly says that I ran off to marry the “perfect stranger” I didn’t marry a stranger, I married my best friend. The first person I wanted to talk to after my car accident was Colby, when my feelings were hurt, I wanted Colby. He was the only one that made everything better.

I know people who have met each other, gotten engaged and then married all within 4 months. Can someone explain to me how that is any more valid than me speaking to someone for 10+ hours every day for almost 2 years? No? Ok didn’t think so.

Anyway I’m in love. . .with my best friend, whom I know so well. . . and I’m happy with how we met and everything else that happened to get us where we are now. I’m not ashamed to be married young, I actually think that for me, it was the perfect way for things to go. Marriage isn’t a one size fits all. I didn’t and don’t need to be completely settled and “find myself” before I married my husband. In reality, Colby has successfully helped me begin to find myself with the help of his companionship and love. I truly am indebted to him for everything he does for me on a daily basis.

I married the greatest guy and the perfect person for me. We are truly a match made in heaven!

Running out of 2013 hoping 2014 has open arms

I woke up this morning and realized 2013 was over and I almost wanted to cry.

This year has been the craziest year of my life and also one of the best. I became an Adult, I got engaged, I moved to a new country, I GOT MARRIED, . . . It’s just crazy. So much has happened is such a short 365 days and it’s crazy. I’ve almost been in Canada for 6 months now and I honestly just can’t wrap my head around how quickly time flies.

This time last year I was preparing to head to Canada for the first time to visit Colby and his family. I didn’t think that a year from then I’d be living here spending the next New Year’s eve with Colby in beautiful British Columbia.

This past year I’ve learned so much, I’ve grown, I’ve matured and I’ve taken some steps that other people thought was crazy. . . that even I thought at times were crazy. I’ve learned that in order to live, you have to take chances, no matter what anyone else says. I’ve learned to believe in myself and that I am capable of SO MUCH more than I ever imagined. I’ve learned that it’s ok to cry and it’s ok to change your mind. I’ve learned that there is truly no place like home and that your family is the most important thing you have – even if it takes 3,000 miles to come to that realization.
I’ve learned to humble myself, shut my mouth, trust others and forgive (and they are a continual process that I guess I will carry onto my new years resolutions for 2014. . .hah) I’ve learned that love knows no distance, there are selfless people in this world and that angels really do exist on earth.

Getting married to Colby has been the highlight of my year and one of the best decisions I have ever made. The influence he is in my life keeps me pushing forward and gives me the motivation I need to start another day despite how homesick or fed up I am. I could go on and on about everything I love about him, because he is so great. I love him so much, more than I ever thought possible to love something and it’s so magical and makes me so happy. I’m STOKED to be starting a new year with him and see where the year leads us!

I have some pretty big goals for 2014

1. Colby and I have decided to get fit! We want to take a cruise in 2015-2016 for a real honeymoon and we both want to be hott! (classic resolution I know I know)
2. We have also set a goal to go to Europe in 2020-2021 – before we start having kids. So savings is a big thing!
3. I want to become a permanent resident of Canada! (Not that I have too much control over this but hey – enthusiasm! :)
4. Visit Roanoke and renew my wedding vows to Colby and celebrate with my family and friends from home.
5. Take a beginners course in French
6. Be able to move into our own apartment (After permanent residency is established)

Here’s to also hoping that most of these aren’t forgotten by February! ;)
I’m pretty excited about the new year, wishing all my friends and family a happy one! Here’s to writing the wrong date on everything for the next month!

I love you all!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Silver Bells, Renovations, Christmas trees, Hooplah

It a bit overdue for a whole new post on my blog.

My life has been hectic – but lazy at the same time.  How is this even possible!?

Thanksgiving was a whirlwind of a day. I woke up early in the morning to start cooking and was really excited to share “American Thanksgiving” with my Canadian family.   I surprisingly cooked everything almost perfectly (having done most of it for the first time by myself) and I was content with how things turned out. We had some friends over and enjoyed company and had some good laughs.  It was a fun time –  as much fun as it was though, it was very hard being away from my family during one of my favorite holiday’s.  Skyping them them afternoon was bittersweet as in the background I heard laughing and joy, while I stood by myself in the kitchen my feet freezing cold on the tile.  At that moment I wanted to be home so bad . . .if only telaporting were real.

Since Christmas is right around the corner (This is my absolute favorite time of year, decorations and lights and happy people and music – ah. . . it just makes my heart smile)  Colby and I have kicked into finding deals on presents and trying to make our first Christmas together perfect.  Bummer though that I found out everything I had picked on Amazon for Colby couldn’t be shipped into Canada and I threw a mini fit. . . that’s one thing that sucks here!

That basement suite in my Father-in-laws house is another step closer to being finished! The drywall was delivered and we got almost all of it up already (We’ll be finishing tonight)  It’s so exciting to see the basement look more like a home. I’m so anxious to be able to paint, decorate and furnish the little space.   Colby and I have been looking at furniture, appliances and paint and it’s really exciting to finally have our own private space. 

There was a HUGE roller coaster with the Citizenship and Immigration Canada website – my online signature WAS NOT working and it was driving me nuts. So we went and had to print off everything to send it via snail mail. . . this is after me spending the better part of a day trying to call and get more information from a real person on the phone, but since the typhoon in the Philippines that wasn’t happening.  So after trying ONE LAST TIME to esign – it finally worked and I was thrilled. It’s been paid for and I am now awaiting to hear back from the Canadian government that my implied status is over and I have been granted an extension of my visitor residency.  We’re just about finished with my application for permanent residency and that’ll be out the door soon as well – which will be another HUGE stress ball off my shoulders.

So amidst all this, there is a lot of documentary days where I sit and learn useless facts. Cleaning days when I just am going cleaning crazy,   sad days when I am so lonely I want to cry. Happy days when nothing can get me down.  

But they are mostly good days, because I am blessed to spend every day with my best friend. Someone who understands me, has never ending compassion and love.  Someone who I couldn’t live without. I love my husband! 

Anyway –  I’m going to go make dinner and hopefully get the rest of the drywall up! 

Cheerio 

In this case, the truth didn’t set me free

It’s past midnight now. . . .but I’m stuck awake with thoughts racing through my head not being kind enough to allow me to sleep. 

Majority of the time, my anger actually is a cover up for the fact that my feelings are so seriously hurt that I can barely cope.  Sometimes I feel so betrayed and alone that all I want to do is cry.  

I toyed with messaging a few people tonight on Facebook and just asking “why?”  why suddenly am I no longer of any importance to you? Why is my worth and my life no longer important to you? Why?  . . . . but I chickened out because I don’t want someone to get more pissed at me or push me away further than what I thought was already the farthest possible. 

I already know the answer to those questions though, because it’s the common factor in each relationship that I’ve lost.  It’s been my decision to find my own religious path and be comfortable and confident in what I believe. 

It really hurts me that people I trusted and still love with all of my heart. .. that I would honestly do anything for. . .have total disregard or  zero respect for me anymore.  It hurts to see them continue to be involved and care for other people, but not me.  Not me because I’m different.  

I’ve gotten used to not being like everyone else. I cry a bit more, I’m more sensitive, I am needy, I am loyal when I no longer should be. I have high expectations, I love even though I get hurt because I don’t get it back.  I’m me.  I’m sick of being defined by a religious title. I’m sick of never being good enough. I wasn’t good enough as a mormon. . . and I’m still not good enough not being one. 

I am the EXACT same person I was before. I might have a second set of holes in my ears and I might say damn when I stub my toe now. But I still am the person I was before.  I’m still dramatic, I’m still overly obnoxious . . . I’m still me. 

My jealousy is ridiculous whenever I see anyone that no longer has anything to do with me, getting excited and commenting/liking whatever it is someone else is doing that I seriously just did. Milestones in my life aren’t as exciting. – perfect example.  Me getting married.  Me getting married wasn’t as exciting or cool or acceptable cause, well Colby wasn’t a mormon, we didn’t get married in the LDS temple and I wore a strapless dress.  *gasp* OK so the happiness and excitement to join your life with someone and take a huge commitment is less cool, impressive or adorable because of those things?  I don’t understand. 

I hate needing approval and love from people that clearly are incapable of loving someone who is different or chose a different path. 

I love Christ, I seriously cannot stand Christians.   Because they are hypocrites.  Love everybody expect the people I don’t like, duh!   Everyone acts like I’ve done something terrible and I’m such a sinner. . . . when they have no right to cast a stone at me cause their slate isn’t clean! 

 

I just want my relationships back. It’s not fair that being honest ends up leaving you with the short end of the stick. . . along with a lot of sleepless nights beating yourself up because, like normal, I can’t ever be good enough. 

48 hours. . . .?

The days have literally ticked by so slowly this past week… the reality is slowly setting in, but I don’t think it has in it’s entirety. I’ve been so blessed with the help of Colby’s family to make our civil ceremony beautiful and emotionally from my family and close friends back home.

In two days, I get to marry my best friend. I think when we set October 14th as our date, we thought it was far off. We had 3 months when we decided that’s the day we would get married, and it seemed really far away then, and it’s come really quickly, besides this past week of course, that seriously couldn’t have gone any slower.

I always knew I had the potential to be a raging bridezilla, up until yesterday though it hadn’t emerged. I figure that might be because this wedding is so tiny (20 people. . woo!) that it wouldn’t happen. It happened yesterday, and it was quite the tantrum.
My wedding seamstress was so unprofessional and slack that I was 2 shy steps for needing someone to restrain me from beating the crap out of her. Thankfully she doesn’t actually suck at her job and my dress turned out really nice (I’ll post pictures after Monday. . .since Colby isn’t allowed to see) I’m very pleased with it. I didn’t expect to like another dress so much, since my actual “Wedding Dress” that my Mother cried over and I had my “Say yes to the dress moment” is back in Virginia where our bigger and a lot more personal wedding ceremony and reception will be held (I know I’ll be going total bridezilla on that one. . . oops!)

The significance of the 14th goes back to my relationship with my Great Grandparents, Ma and Papa. Papa was one of my dearest and closest friends. . .he was my runaway buddy. I always fled to their house when I was having a rough time and Papa always listened and knew when to make fun of me and when to be serious. They wed on the 14th of October, and so I want to, too.
One of the hardest things about preparing for this wedding, and for even being excited really. . . is that my family isn’t here. The other night it hit me like a brick that I was getting married and none of my family is here to see it. Even though our “big wedding” with our own written vows and my gorgeous dress my parents purchased is around the corner as well. . . and even though this wedding is so tiny. . . this is me getting married without my Mom and Dad, without my siblings, without all of my family and without my best friends, and that’s been a tough pill to swallow these past few days.

I didn’t imagine as a little girl I would be getting married and my family wouldn’t be there. But this is how things have worked out and honestly have to be, sacrifices aren’t easy, but in the end this will all be worth it.

I can’t imagine my life without Colby in it. I can’t think of something more meant to be than my relationship with him. I can’t think of someone more perfect for me, in every single way. I knew him before this life.. . my spirit knew his before we ever walked in physical bodies on earth and I’m thankful for that. He is my other half, he completes me, and thankfully he understands me so easily. Every struggle that has been thrown at us to get to this point in our relationship and our lives together has only made our bond and our love for each other stronger and so even though at the time I cursed those issues, was mad, cried, hated God for it, it’s been a trial that has brought us to where we are now. We’re getting married, because we’re ready for it, despite what anyone else wants to think.

So we get married Monday. My dress and his outfit are set, our Marriage Commissioner is booked, our marriage license ready, tissues everywhere. We’re doing it, and I’m so excited and happy and ready.