New Horizons! A better explanation to what’s going on!

These past few months, have been some of the most stressful I think I’ve ever experienced.

In March, Colby and I found out that my application for permanent residency into Canada had been randomly picked to be diverted to a different visa office, taking our timeline from a tiny 8-9 months, to almost 3 years.

I was in shock. I was devastated and I literally felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath me.  I went into panic mode because this is  probably the worst news we have received thus far.   My mind began reeling with scenarios and what our options were.  The thought of being unproductive and not being able to attend school or be separated from Colby so I could. . . .for 3 years always sent me into tears.

So began the process of praying really. . .really hard.  I think I’ve shed more scared tears the past few months than ever before.  Dreams for Canada basically went out the window.  It was a tough pill to swallow for Colby and I that we had (to no fault of our own) wasted the past year working tirelessly on an application that we had to leave behind.

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4 1/2 inches of stacked paper, 7 months of hard work!

I began to talk to my parents, obviously the first step to finding a new plan for us was to figure out what our options were.  My parents offered us a temporary place to stay at their home until we got our footing, if we decided to come back to the USA.  So we decided, ok we’re moving to Virginia.

Even though we had a plan at that point. I continued to just feel so uneasy and terrified of what was going to happen.   My heart was excited to be back close to my family, to be able experience things and see Colby interact with my family. . . but I felt so much guilt knowing I was taking Colby away from his family. I know the pain and frustration of not being home for Christmas, missing milestones in my siblings life and not being able to hug my parents when I need it.   So I kept telling myself that I’d just stay in Kelowna,  but even then. . .that didn’t make me feel better either.

I continued to just pray for an answer or to at least feel at peace with our decision to head back to the East Coast. . . but nothing that I did to try and progress to get there felt right.   Looking back on it now, I think that my lack of trust in Heavenly Father and having a constant panic clouded my ability to feel the spirit and have my decisions influenced by him. (Note to self, don’t do that again! haha)  There were so many stressful variables to moving to the East Coast. Colby and I were going to have to sell everything we have.  Our awesome King Bed, our 47 inch T.V my amazing electric fireplace Colby’s Auntey Carey gave us for Christmas. . . and there was a huge chance I’d have to leave my cat, Luna behind.  A U-haul was going to cost us well over $2500, with gas it just wasn’t going to be possible for us.   I’d have to put my parents out by having to house us, I didn’t know where we could earn good money at a good job, where we’d live that was affordable (Cause the only place affordable in Roanoke is in the ghetto part of town)  I was so stressed, so worried, I felt completely hopeless and stuck.

It was one afternoon that I was skyping with my cousin Sarah, we were reminiscing on past memories, like our annual barbie game we’d play on Thanksgiving when we were younger, when I would visit her when she was living in Maryland, and how awesome it was that I lived a 2 minute walk away in Utah, back in 2012.   I continued to gush about how much I missed it there, and if I had a choice I’d totally live in Utah again. It’s beautiful, it’s got a happy vibe to it, I have good memories there. . .. I mean heck, it’s where I spent my first week in person with Colby when I was 17 years old.   Then Sarah simply just stated the obvious . . . “Madylon, why don’t you move to Utah”  and . . .I stopped, and felt tears welling in my eyes. Why had I not thought of this before!?   Even thinking back on that moment, I get a little emotional because the feeling of relief I had when it clicked in my head that I could move to Utah.  I could keep all of my things, my cat, and we could be a somewhat equal distance between my family and Colby’s.  We could move to Utah.    

 

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Summer, 2012, Sarah and I had spent the afternoon doing temple work at the Provo Temple

 

I scrambled a text message to Colby, who was at work, telling him I had an epiphany and once I told him what had just happened he felt good about it too!  It was absolutely wonderful to be EXCITED in every aspect to move, and not dread how we were going to make it.   Renting a U-haul and driving to Orem, Utah is significantly cheaper than driving cross country.  It’s a college town, so  there are lots of people our age,  we can attend school, and we can get bangin’ awesome jobs.  We can finally experience living on our own completely, we can grow together and learn to depend on one another on a completely different level than we have before.   We can easily visit both of our families, we can finally experience being “newlyweds” and I’m so excited for that.   I’m SO excited to walk the streets and visit the places I visited when Colby and I met there.  It seems very fitting that the first place we rent our very own apartment from, work, and grow together as a married couple, be in the place where it really all began, in Provo Utah!

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Our FIRST picture ever together! I don’t look good whatsoever but I was so happy!

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We took a trip for the day down to Salt Lake City with Sarah and Dallin, to see museums of church history and eat at Cheesecake factory!

The thought of moving is very bittersweet to me.  I have really fallen in love with Kelowna.  It’s beautiful here, and I still love seeing a Canadian flag. The culture is interesting and even though I’ve felt the struggle in trying to fit in, me being from the south and having several complexes with what they call “country” up here, a piece of my heart is anchored here and I’ll always love Canada. I’ve made relationships with some amazing people, I’ve experiences things not everyone get’s to experience. I have lived in a different country, how cool is that!?  I’ve grown a lot and learned a lot living here.   I never thought the grass was greener here ….despite what everyone else thinks, I didn’t run away to Canada to get away from anyone ( I may have said a few choice times I couldn’t wait to get out of Roanoke, and leave everyone behind sometimes. . . yes. . .but moving to Canada was made as a decision on what was best for Colby and myself) I moved to start a life with Colby, and at the time, Canada was the place that had the most promise for our future together.  Life is unpredictable, we never saw my application being chucked into the deep dark hole that they call the LA Visa Office. . . but it did.    But even so, maybe Canada was only supposed to be a temporary stop for us at the beginning of our journey together.  If I know anything, it’s that I don’t have as much control as I thought I did.  There definitely is a higher power that has continued to look out for me and guide me to what I need to be doing.   So, in a way, I think things were meant to happen this way.  Canada was just a temporary stop for us. It was a small stepping stone to prepare us for bigger and better things.

We’re working now to get all the required documents ready to submit to get Colby a Green Card so he can legally live, work and study in the U.S.A.  The process is taking 8-12 months, which means we still have a while to go, but 12 months sounds a LOT better than 36.

I’m so ready for the immigration part of our relationship to be over.  It seems as if it’ll be never ending, but I know in the end all of the tears, both sad and angry with be so worth it.  I can’t imagine my life with anyone else. No one, has ever brought me so much joy, no one has ever helped me grow so much. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much. It seems crazy how lucky I was to be able to start a friendship and twitter pated romance at 16 and 3 years later be married to my best friend.   I think that this whole experience is a testament of itself on how strong our love is, and how nothing is going to get in the way. Aside from the fact that the odds are against us because of how young we are, add on the ridiculous truckloads of stress from immigration.  We are SO bulletproof after this.

I appreciate all the love and support we’ve received thus far from everyone when they’ve gotten word that we’re trying to make this work.  The financial part of our immigration journey isn’t going to be cheap, and so I’ve started a fundraiser online,  for anyone who wants to help us out!   http://http://www.gofundme.com/9xs2l0

I’m so excited for this next part of our journey together!

Thanks for reading this huge thing. .  if  you’ve made it this far!

xoxo

Madylon

48 hours. . . .?

The days have literally ticked by so slowly this past week… the reality is slowly setting in, but I don’t think it has in it’s entirety. I’ve been so blessed with the help of Colby’s family to make our civil ceremony beautiful and emotionally from my family and close friends back home.

In two days, I get to marry my best friend. I think when we set October 14th as our date, we thought it was far off. We had 3 months when we decided that’s the day we would get married, and it seemed really far away then, and it’s come really quickly, besides this past week of course, that seriously couldn’t have gone any slower.

I always knew I had the potential to be a raging bridezilla, up until yesterday though it hadn’t emerged. I figure that might be because this wedding is so tiny (20 people. . woo!) that it wouldn’t happen. It happened yesterday, and it was quite the tantrum.
My wedding seamstress was so unprofessional and slack that I was 2 shy steps for needing someone to restrain me from beating the crap out of her. Thankfully she doesn’t actually suck at her job and my dress turned out really nice (I’ll post pictures after Monday. . .since Colby isn’t allowed to see) I’m very pleased with it. I didn’t expect to like another dress so much, since my actual “Wedding Dress” that my Mother cried over and I had my “Say yes to the dress moment” is back in Virginia where our bigger and a lot more personal wedding ceremony and reception will be held (I know I’ll be going total bridezilla on that one. . . oops!)

The significance of the 14th goes back to my relationship with my Great Grandparents, Ma and Papa. Papa was one of my dearest and closest friends. . .he was my runaway buddy. I always fled to their house when I was having a rough time and Papa always listened and knew when to make fun of me and when to be serious. They wed on the 14th of October, and so I want to, too.
One of the hardest things about preparing for this wedding, and for even being excited really. . . is that my family isn’t here. The other night it hit me like a brick that I was getting married and none of my family is here to see it. Even though our “big wedding” with our own written vows and my gorgeous dress my parents purchased is around the corner as well. . . and even though this wedding is so tiny. . . this is me getting married without my Mom and Dad, without my siblings, without all of my family and without my best friends, and that’s been a tough pill to swallow these past few days.

I didn’t imagine as a little girl I would be getting married and my family wouldn’t be there. But this is how things have worked out and honestly have to be, sacrifices aren’t easy, but in the end this will all be worth it.

I can’t imagine my life without Colby in it. I can’t think of something more meant to be than my relationship with him. I can’t think of someone more perfect for me, in every single way. I knew him before this life.. . my spirit knew his before we ever walked in physical bodies on earth and I’m thankful for that. He is my other half, he completes me, and thankfully he understands me so easily. Every struggle that has been thrown at us to get to this point in our relationship and our lives together has only made our bond and our love for each other stronger and so even though at the time I cursed those issues, was mad, cried, hated God for it, it’s been a trial that has brought us to where we are now. We’re getting married, because we’re ready for it, despite what anyone else wants to think.

So we get married Monday. My dress and his outfit are set, our Marriage Commissioner is booked, our marriage license ready, tissues everywhere. We’re doing it, and I’m so excited and happy and ready.

I’m getting married!!!

Today, I’ve been doing some last minute planning for Colby and my little civil wedding next week. . . . and it’s really got me into a lot of reminiscing on the past.

I remember being a student and Virginia Western Community College, sitting in the cafeteria with a few of my school buddies which ironically were all guys. . . anyway I was typing on skype to Colby during my lunch break. Colby and I had only known each other at that point for maybe a month or two. All of these guys that had girlfriends of their own picked on me and joked around at how stupid it was to have a crush on someone so far away. They tried convincing me that it would never work out, that people cheat in long distance relationships and that it was a long shot.
I remember the first time I told Colby I loved him. It was awkward and I was embarrassed, but it was exciting to hear him say it back eventually. I think back to how surreal it was to be running through the Salt Lake City airport and seeing him in person for the first time. Whenever I think back on that, and remember it makes me emotional.
I literally, have the most perfect man in my life. I don’t know what I did to be so extremely blessed with someone so compassionate and caring. I almost feel undeserving of him, because he is that fantastic! Whenever I realize that I get to be his WIFE I get to love him and I get to see him every day, it is the most incredible thing and it makes me so unbelievably happy! It’s amazing how love grows, how I thought last year in July when we met in person for the first time that I loved him. I did, but, it’s grown so much and I can’t imagine my life without my best friend.

We’ve made it a long way, we’ve experienced a lot. We have an appreciation for each other that is rare. I can’t take him for granted, because I am always remembered of what it was like to not have him around. This post is really jumbly and doesn’t exactly fit right together, but I just had to say that I’m so excited and happy and I’m so in love. . . I’m seriously so in love and I can’t wait to marry my best friend. I feel so blessed and happy and I just want to tell everybody that I come in contact with that I get to marry my best friend on the 14th.

Everyone said that we wouldn’t work out, no one had faith that we could withstand the distance and we’re proving everyone wrong. Love can’t be affected by distance and I’m a great example of that.
3,000 miles apart and we’ve closed the gap and are starting our life together. Yay!

I’ll stop this sappy post now. Sorry guys >.<

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10202085584281413&set=a.2237787224464.134477.1241514074&type=1&theater

Rough Transition

I knew this wasn’t going to be easy.  But sometimes during the day I feel like I underestimated the heartache and stress that moving to Canada would bring.  I expected the sadness and the missing familiarity of my home and my family.  But I kind of expected it to have somewhat worn of in the slightest by now.  . . . . sadly, not so much.  Then again I don’t know what I was expecting, I haven’t even been here two weeks yet.  Idunno…..

My days are mostly spent alone, minus the company of my kitten Luna and the dogs, Sage and Callie.  I clean and clean and maybe go outside and walk around the neighborhood until I realize I am being bitten like mad by mosquitoes that are the size of oreo cookies.  Then I clean some more. Maybe mess around on Sims. Stalk someones facebook for the 4th time that day. . . I have Re-read everything I already know about immigrating, just so I don’t forget. . . and then I make dinner and Colby comes home and I can just be happy and content until I have to say goodnight and close the door to my room some 4 hours after he gets home from work. . . . and then I brush and brush and brush and brush myyyy hair wonderin’ when will my life begin! . . . . . just kidding, but seriously whoever can catch that reference can have an oreo cookie :)  But that’s about what I do. .. or have done every day (minus Colby’s day off, those days have been much more entertaining) 

You don’t appreciate work-flow and a paycheck as much until it is no longer even an option.  I honestly would love to be working right now, despite how lazy I love being. Not working freaking sucks.  Being lazy gets old after about 72 hours. You realize, this permanent vacation sucks and that’s just that.  *Le sigh*.  I haven’t had the emotional stability to find a hobby and have a routine of doing something I genuinely enjoy every day. Colby takes the car to work, and even if he had me drive him to work giving me the car, it’s not like I know where anything is and I get really anxiety stricken being in public without him.  I do sincerely miss my job at Chuck-e-cheese. I miss my co-workers and my bosses and I just miss hating going to work every day cause I didn’t appreciate being able to work. I miss that. 

I should probably have just bought stock in Tim Hortons since every other craving I have is for their coffee or Tim Bits.   I need to curb that addiction asap. 

Whenever we go out into public I am awkwardly fascinated with every human being my eyes can find.  It’s really stupid and an immature thought process, but everyone here [to my knowledge] is Canadian. They just live their lives here every day, nbd. Living in a different country, [not that Canada is really that different from the states anyway . . . ] just makes you realize there is just so many people everywhere outside of your home country bubble.   The culture is different here.  People talk different, express themselves differently, act differently, live . . . differently than what I am used to in Virginia, and from what I’ve seen in the little amount of the United States, I don’t know if that makes me sound ignorant or not, but I just never thought about life in a different country. . . maybe that’s just because I never in a million years thought that I would ever be an immigrant.  It’s been quite a teeny culture shock. Which I wasn’t exactly expecting so.  . . . surprise to me! It’s been interesting to overhear opinions about the united states from people living outside of the country. It has opened my eyes to how the USA is viewed and how on often occasion we make ourselves look like massive idiots.

There has been a lot of changes all at once, and it’s hard for me to get a grip sometimes.  It’s A LOT of stress crammed into one little setting and anyone that knows me well, knows I crack so bad under stress and anxiety.  Getting engaged, moving, adjusting to living in a completely different environment [Side note to that statement, my nose has been SO dry since I got into Canada and it drives me insane. I’ve never in my life experienced a bloody nose before, I was oddly proud of that and now Canada has to go and ruin it! grr]  I have  felt like an outsider and completely different from everyone else around me.  I listen to the way I talk, the expressions and words I use and not that being “me” is bad at all but I just feel extremely out of place.  I don’t like feeling like a zoo animal, that everyone needs to come and look at me and observe me. . .  I don’t like feeling the pressure to just be super happy and not have sad feelings of being in Canada now.  It’s hard, and I anticipate it’s not going to get any better soon. 

But, despite the ache and sorrow that I do experience daily, I am happy.  Being able to see Colby every day is indescribable and I can’t begin to put into words the joy I feel when he walks into the door after work.  Smelling him, hugging him, kissing him, feeling his presence is just so amazing and I appreciate the work he is putting in to making me as comfortable as possible here in Kelowna, it is by no means an easy task putting up with stressed out Madylon, but he does it so well and is such a positive influence in my life. I just am so in love with him. 

As per huge request from my blog followers, a picture of my gorgeous engagement ring

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Colby did a fantastic job at picking it out, and also did a great job at finding resources and approval from the only other person that knows me as well if not slightly more, my cousin Allyson.  It’s absolutely gorgeous and I stare at it for quite some time every day marveling in how beautiful and special it is. 

Anyway, it’s almost 2am here in Kelowna and I am awfully tired and ready to pass out.  I haven’t been sleeping well the past few days [I’m positive it’s just stress related] but I’m going to try actual force to go to sleep now. 

Hope everyone is doing fantastic and enjoying their summer. Cause I am! 

 

xoxo

Madylon