He’s my best friend

Today I’ve been reading countless blogs on getting married young

Ironically, most of the people that wrote the blogs on “getting married young” got married at 20-23’ish . . .so maybe I’m like “super young” or even a baby still but whatever.

It’s kinda interesting how I still get craptalk from people and even total strangers about my timeline for starting my life and also for apparently “marrying a guy I didn’t know”. Comments like that are extremely funny to me. Because I bet you any amount of money – I know and knew Colby way better than anyone that lived or lives in close vicinity of their significant other.

It is a reality that Colby and I only were together in person 4 times (A total of 28 days when you add them all up together) before we decided we should close the gap between us, and also get engaged. When I do think that we only spent 28 days together in person, it kinda shocks me a little bit too, because that isn’t even a full month! There are TONS of reasons though, that I wouldn’t change anything about how we met – how our relationship progressed, how we maintained it and how we made it work. I say that because having so many miles between us, obviously there wasn’t time to sit and waste making out in the back of a car, or getting caught up in physical desires. Time together was more meaningful, we talked – about everything. I remember staying awake until 2:30 in the morning regularly (Obviously because there was also a 3 hour time difference) and talking about things that would pertain to our future selves. I’m pretty sure Colby and I covered every single topic under the sun that most people need to know about each other before they get married (and that’s all when I was 16-17). I got a book that had 1,000 questions in it to ask your significant other. We talked about careers, what kind of houses we wanted to have, what you would do if you lost a limb, kids, religion, financial responsibilities, healthy lifestyles, hobbies, heck, we even made lists of things that we had as “habits” or things we thought the other might not really like living with, so when I moved here, I knew Colby was going to throw his dirty smelly socks on the floor next to his bed, listen to his music way louder than he should, and Colby knew I had a tendency to leave cupboard doors open or that sometimes when brushing my teeth I don’t rinse down that random glob of toothpaste that sits in the sink.
I knew Colby on such a personal level without even having to be there in person with him. We talked all day through text messaging, and then we talked until very early in the morning through skype and usually fell asleep together on it as well.

So when someone accusingly says that I ran off to marry the “perfect stranger” I didn’t marry a stranger, I married my best friend. The first person I wanted to talk to after my car accident was Colby, when my feelings were hurt, I wanted Colby. He was the only one that made everything better.

I know people who have met each other, gotten engaged and then married all within 4 months. Can someone explain to me how that is any more valid than me speaking to someone for 10+ hours every day for almost 2 years? No? Ok didn’t think so.

Anyway I’m in love. . .with my best friend, whom I know so well. . . and I’m happy with how we met and everything else that happened to get us where we are now. I’m not ashamed to be married young, I actually think that for me, it was the perfect way for things to go. Marriage isn’t a one size fits all. I didn’t and don’t need to be completely settled and “find myself” before I married my husband. In reality, Colby has successfully helped me begin to find myself with the help of his companionship and love. I truly am indebted to him for everything he does for me on a daily basis.

I married the greatest guy and the perfect person for me. We are truly a match made in heaven!


48 hours. . . .?

The days have literally ticked by so slowly this past week… the reality is slowly setting in, but I don’t think it has in it’s entirety. I’ve been so blessed with the help of Colby’s family to make our civil ceremony beautiful and emotionally from my family and close friends back home.

In two days, I get to marry my best friend. I think when we set October 14th as our date, we thought it was far off. We had 3 months when we decided that’s the day we would get married, and it seemed really far away then, and it’s come really quickly, besides this past week of course, that seriously couldn’t have gone any slower.

I always knew I had the potential to be a raging bridezilla, up until yesterday though it hadn’t emerged. I figure that might be because this wedding is so tiny (20 people. . woo!) that it wouldn’t happen. It happened yesterday, and it was quite the tantrum.
My wedding seamstress was so unprofessional and slack that I was 2 shy steps for needing someone to restrain me from beating the crap out of her. Thankfully she doesn’t actually suck at her job and my dress turned out really nice (I’ll post pictures after Monday. . .since Colby isn’t allowed to see) I’m very pleased with it. I didn’t expect to like another dress so much, since my actual “Wedding Dress” that my Mother cried over and I had my “Say yes to the dress moment” is back in Virginia where our bigger and a lot more personal wedding ceremony and reception will be held (I know I’ll be going total bridezilla on that one. . . oops!)

The significance of the 14th goes back to my relationship with my Great Grandparents, Ma and Papa. Papa was one of my dearest and closest friends. . .he was my runaway buddy. I always fled to their house when I was having a rough time and Papa always listened and knew when to make fun of me and when to be serious. They wed on the 14th of October, and so I want to, too.
One of the hardest things about preparing for this wedding, and for even being excited really. . . is that my family isn’t here. The other night it hit me like a brick that I was getting married and none of my family is here to see it. Even though our “big wedding” with our own written vows and my gorgeous dress my parents purchased is around the corner as well. . . and even though this wedding is so tiny. . . this is me getting married without my Mom and Dad, without my siblings, without all of my family and without my best friends, and that’s been a tough pill to swallow these past few days.

I didn’t imagine as a little girl I would be getting married and my family wouldn’t be there. But this is how things have worked out and honestly have to be, sacrifices aren’t easy, but in the end this will all be worth it.

I can’t imagine my life without Colby in it. I can’t think of something more meant to be than my relationship with him. I can’t think of someone more perfect for me, in every single way. I knew him before this life.. . my spirit knew his before we ever walked in physical bodies on earth and I’m thankful for that. He is my other half, he completes me, and thankfully he understands me so easily. Every struggle that has been thrown at us to get to this point in our relationship and our lives together has only made our bond and our love for each other stronger and so even though at the time I cursed those issues, was mad, cried, hated God for it, it’s been a trial that has brought us to where we are now. We’re getting married, because we’re ready for it, despite what anyone else wants to think.

So we get married Monday. My dress and his outfit are set, our Marriage Commissioner is booked, our marriage license ready, tissues everywhere. We’re doing it, and I’m so excited and happy and ready.

Smelling past memories makes it harder to be a “big kid” aka Adult

I’ve waited anxiously the past 10 days waiting for a box with my belongings from Roanoke.  I’ve checked the mail every day waiting for the Shopper Drug mart slip to show up letting me know I can pick up my box.  The past 4 days I have checked every day and was disappointed when nothing was there. Finally today it came and I was a kid on Christmas, picking the box up and being so excited to open it.   Colby helped me removed the tape and open the folds of the boxes and immediately the smell of fresh cut grass, soap, humidity, my Dad’s shirts in his closet, the smell of the boys bedroom as you pass it, a fishbowl, chili cooking in the kitchen,  my bedroom and how it smelled when the door was always closed. . . the smell of home hit me like a brick and all I wanted to do was shut the box back up and tape the smells inside so I didn’t have to be homesick tonight. . . .so maybe I could open it up later and appreciate it more some other time when I really need those smells. . .  But alas, the excitement of having some more of my things was still slightly present and I smiled big also holding back tears as I pulled out my blue piggy bank, my favorite pair of fall boots, my hershey pillow that was bought for me when I broke my arm and several other articles of clothing that I haven’t seen for almost 3 months.   I held them close to my face and just inhaled deeply through my nose trying to engrain in my memory the smell, because in not too long of time those smells will fade out and they will smell like Canada. They will smell like everything else here. They won’t smell like the south, they won’t smell like my family. They will smell like Colby’s house, and Colby’s things.  It is a really stupid thing to be upset about, but the other day I realized that if I were to go home tomorrow, I would smell different than my parents and their house along with my siblings still living there.  That made me kind of upset. 

Tonight I was looking through the pictures on my iTouch and watched the secret video I took of my Dad telling a mission story about spiders.  It felt good to pause my life and remember the moment that I recorded that.  It was nice to hear everyone laugh and to see my Dad do the laugh that my sister Olyvia also does. 

So, aside from a lot of homesick thoughts tonight after getting my box [I am still waiting for another one hopefully to be here within the next day or two]  Colby and I took another huge milestone and purchased OUR first car on Tuesday!  ImageColby’s Pontiac was about to bite the dust and so we decided that we can really only have a car for “us” this once, because in too short a time we are going to need to buy a car to cart kids around and so why not get something that we can enjoy for the 7 years that it’s just us.  So I made a deal with Colby and I began searching and praying and thinking hard and a miracle happened.  We found a 2005 almost perfect condition Mustang for a steal and were able to buy it!  It’s been crazy driving such a nice car and it’s so weird having people stare at our car for reasons other than it being a clunky ugly car!!  I’ve never bought a car,  the most expensive thing I’ve actually purchased. . . . is maybe an iPod or an iPhone, unless you want to count my rent in Utah for my apartment.    We are both so excited about it and I can’t help but smile every time I see it.  We were really blessed and I know it’s because I did my homework, looked hard and consulted all of my options and prayed about it.  Woo! We are proud Mustang owners! 

Sunday afternoon we went on a double date with one of Colby’s co-workers George and his darling girlfriend Brittni, to the Armstrong fair.  It was really my element and I felt so at home walking around in the chicken and goat pens and as nasty as it sounds,  I slightly enjoyed the nasty smell of the animals because it reminded me of driving past Poage’s farm and it made me happy. Funny I know.  I really enjoyed having the time away from the house and the stress and be able to be around another girl and make a friend.  We watched a Rodeo at the end of the fair and I was pumped because I remember always watching Rodeo’s on T.V at Papa and Ma’s house.  I couldn’t help but wish I could tell Papa all about it.  Because I know he would’ve been excited.    Then around midnight on our drive back to Kelowna we stopped at the Vernon Denny’s.  Aside from the fact that the service was horse “shite” and my food didn’t taste so swell anyway (I got grits at Denny’s and that also made me think of home and how I ate like, 3 year old Grits and Olyvia pointed it out and I couldn’t believe I didn’t catch that and I thought myself sick) anyway the next day I awoke to some serious food poisoning demons and I wanted to rip out my intestines completely. Thank God Colby is so caring. I would’ve died without his compassion.   But that day aside from me needing to walk around like I had a stick in my butt, we went shooting the rifles because hunting season is starting and everyone needed to site their guns.  That was a fun experience. 

SO anyway. Now that everyone is all caught up on my life. I’m going to cuddle with my fiance and talk about Pokemon and maybe tickle the pee out of him. Since that’s one of my favorite night time rituals [I love you Colby] 

I’m off. 

I love you all




Sometimes you just need to cry, probably should start building an Ark.

Guess what everybody. Grass is never really green anywhere. It’s just a lie everyone tells you.  It’s not actually green unless it’s fake. . .  ok?  Glad I could clear that up.  I never EVER ever ever ever said that moving [doesn’t even matter where, I could have moved to Florida instead of Canada and my stance stays the same] was going to make everything disappear and make me poop happy rainbows and throw flowers in the sky and run around with fluffy critters constantly singing annoyingly about how “this is love” or “whistle while you work” or any other annoyingly happy disney song.   Pretty much what happened in this move, I handed in all the crappy problems I had in Roanoke and was dished out a double serving of issues in Canada.  Funny, eh? Ironic, eh? Interesting, eh? 

Sometimes it’s good to just cry.  Sometimes I just need to lay flat on my back in my bed with the lights off and just bawl like it’s the end of the world or cry like they have permanently discontinued Dr. Pepper.  Sometimes it makes me feel a lot better. . .well usually.  Today I once again got hit by the sad truck that loves to hit you at top speed.  It started this morning, with a chocolate poptart. Yes Ladies and Gentleman, a Poptart. Naturally the chocolate poptart made me think of my childhood and then it took me back to Roanoke which made me think of my family which made me break down finally at 10pm after holding it in all day and curbing any emotion that I felt was about to explode out of me. 


Look how young my parents were!
P.S I freakin’ LOVED that dress!. 

Today, or tonight rather, it became more prominent that I was homesick today when I randomly remembered mowing the grass with my Dad in mid-May. We went to Steak ‘n’ Shake after and I looked really ratchet and was covered in grass and probably smelled awful.   But it made me miss my Dad. It made me miss a few years ago when I would hear him come home from work and he’d be talking on the phone way too loud at around midnight when I was trying to sleep [This was way back when I went to bed at a decent hour].  It made me miss “Monster feet” and playing our own version of tag outside in the dark with my siblings when I was really young.  It made me miss tuna quickie and believing that outside of breakfast for dinner that was the only thing my Dad could cook.  I really miss my family tonight.  I really miss my parents. 

Whenever I get sad I feel like I need something else to make things feel more like home. But I never know what it is, so it pretty much is like running into a brick wall over and over again and wondering why I can’t get through.  I really would like to have friends.  I think one of the hardest things about transitioning to a new place, is realizing that for everyone back home that I am replaceable.  My “Best Friends” have made “new” best friends and I’m just hanging out in Canada talking to my cat.  I watch fish all day and hold mini funerals when they die [Random thought, our “Male” guppy apparently has female parts cause surprise we have like 12 baby fish now]  Anyway, issue is that I totally don’t know how to make friends I was never in a social situation that I wasn’t put in a place to just talk to people and converse, that’s number one, and number two, I’m scared as well, because I keep getting screwed over and always being the better, more loyal friend and I honestly am sick of that crap, it’s exhausting man. 

So I’m sitting here. at 1am. . . . Luna is sprawled out at my feet hogging my bed and slightly snoring. . . .and I’m just suffering from some sort of insomnia tonight because no matter what I do my mind won’t shut up and relax and save being a weepy uncomfortable mess until tomorrow when I have more energy to do so.  I want to cuddle with Colby. But alas, I can’t. He’s passed out asleep by now I’m sure anyway. . .   I want Papa John’s pizza smothered in that garlic sauce and a massive brownie. I want to eat my feelings right now cause currently I’m starving but am choosing not to eat until tomorrow cause I have special K waiting for me.  Ugh, such is the life of someone who can’t eat like a pig without it directly impacting their arse. 

I think I’m going to lay down again and try and knock myself out.  I have a Birthday Cake to make tomorrow for Kyle [Colby’s cousin, which is my favorite cousin of his] and I also have my “other boyfriend” little 2 year old Liam as well for a few hours tomorrow afternoon.   So thanks for pit stopping and taking a look inside my head when I’m really tired and missing my humidity stricken room and old beaten up car.  ‘Murica. 

I’m off to bed. Here’s to hoping that tomorrow brings loads of smiles and happy thoughts and feelings.  I sure need it. 



P.S Mom, Dad. I really love you. 

Hi I live in Kelowna, Canada. . . that sounds so weird!

All I can really say right now is. . . Wow.

Saturday traveling sucked. All of the night before I laid in a recliner and weeped uncontrollably because I couldn’t believe I was actually about to do this.  I was absolutely terrified for one, of the planes. I hate flying and taking off scares the holy beejeezus out of me, and two I really had no idea how adjusting was going to be and three, crossing the border really scares me.

Anyway so we awoke early in the morning on Saturday and my Mom, Dad and Isybelle took Colby and I to RDU. We checked our bags in and got our boarding passes and I did what I have been dreading since the decision was made. I said goodbye to my family.  I cried almost the entire first flight. Especially taking off. I’m pretty sure people thought I was a basket case.

Our layovers were in LA and Salt Lake City.  We were unable to find any celebrities in LA sadly and it was really awesome because in the Salt Lake City airport again, since that is where Colby and met in person almost one year ago.

We arrived in Spokane, Washington around 3:50 (Pacific time. . . .it was almost 7 back home)  We were greeted by Serenna, Colby’s little sister and his cousin Kyle and Auntie Carey. We hit the road for the 5 1/2 drive back up to Canada and thankfully we made it through the land border.

I randomly woke up at 6am the next day (9am Virginia time) and started my day.  We went and got Tim Hortons (I was seriously the happiest person ever) and got some supplies and such from Walmart to begin unpacking and making my bedroom more “Home-ey”  Colby bought me a swiffer mop thing because their entire house is hardwood and the puppy hair is everywhere! So I spent a good part of my time yesterday just marveling in how the swiffer works so well.

Something really amazing happened yesterday. It’s never happened before and it felt so weird.  For starters. I have this “I miss home and familiarity” thoughts in the back of my mind all the time.  It hasn’t gone away and honestly I don’t think it will.  But yesterday walking out of Walmart.  I was just smiling, and I just felt happy. It wasn’t like my usual “try” and be happy I was literally just happy for no reason and it was one of the coolest feelings ever.  I was genuinely happy.  I don’t know, I just thought it was amazing and I’m happy that I’ve been able to experience that, especially since I am prepared for this transition to be difficult and sad.

So I’m completely moved in (Minus my boxes that are in route and going to be shipped) I have my room set up. I’m excited to put my pictures up and just have everything complete.

I’m excited to be here. Kelowna is a beautiful place and I am excited to be able to call it my home now. . . even though that is extremely bittersweet.

I love you all.



I’m sitting on my bed studying the walls

I’m sitting on my bed studying the walls in my room.  Noticing holes from nails. tape from old posters still stuck on the walls. . . . I want to remember every detail. Remember the smell of this room and the wave of heat that you get when you walk in because my door is always closed. 

I don’t think reality has actually hit yet since I am still kind of in shock that this is really happening.  This is 1 of the last few nights throughout the next 10 days that I will be sleeping in “my room”  

As a kid I remember thinking that I was going to build a house next to my parents and live in it. So I didn’t have to move away. I remember one of the old cars that as parked in front of my Dad’s workshop, and telling my dad that I was going to fix that car and drive it until I could buy a brand new car.  I had quite a few unrealistic fantasies growing up.  I thought as a 9 year old girl that I was going to marry a blonde haired boy that was in the church I went to.  I was going to have my childhood pony Sunny live with us next to my parents house.  Funny how dreams and reality changes. 

I’m not a fan of life.  I don’t like thinking about getting even older than I am. My parents no longer being alive, along with my grandparents. My siblings all being married and aging too, having kids. . .  Adult life and adult worries are no where near as peaceful and serine as my 9 year old thoughts of Mommy and Daddy never going away, always having my siblings to play outside with. . . but life has sped up and it sucks having no control.  As much as I want these life experiences I don’t. I want to just rewind and appreciate how nice it was not having to worry or do anything.  My things were paid for 100% by Mom an Dad, I didn’t need a job, I had chores at home that I hated doing. . . 

I wish I could scream to every kid in the world to stop wishing to grow up.  I know several people said it to me. . .but I didn’t listen and kids I say it to won’t either.  Because being an adult is “fun” and “liberating” . .. . yeah liberating and expensive!

Colby will be here tomorrow.  TOMORROW! This agonizing journey is almost over and I couldn’t be happier for that. I’ve already told him we are going to do everything in our power to never ever let 6 months happen again. If I had my way I wouldn’t even do a day at this point. But ask me that in 10 or 15 years and I might welcome a vacation away ;) 

I hate bittersweet things.  I’ve said it a million times but I just need to get it out of my mind so it stops upsetting me. But I’m scared and upset to leave. Take my anxiety and doubts about Utah and multiply them by about 10 and you have my emotions for Canada.  The only difference is that I’m gaining an extremely positive thing by moving, because I’ll be with Colby. . . and I’m not leaving all of my “super best friends” behind because well. . .I only have two and one is in college and the other is in New York so I’ve already been dealing with distance with them. 

Anyway. I have to pack my bag for tomorrow because I get to pick up my boy tomorrow from the D.C Airport! I’m SO SO SO excited!