Running out of 2013 hoping 2014 has open arms

I woke up this morning and realized 2013 was over and I almost wanted to cry.

This year has been the craziest year of my life and also one of the best. I became an Adult, I got engaged, I moved to a new country, I GOT MARRIED, . . . It’s just crazy. So much has happened is such a short 365 days and it’s crazy. I’ve almost been in Canada for 6 months now and I honestly just can’t wrap my head around how quickly time flies.

This time last year I was preparing to head to Canada for the first time to visit Colby and his family. I didn’t think that a year from then I’d be living here spending the next New Year’s eve with Colby in beautiful British Columbia.

This past year I’ve learned so much, I’ve grown, I’ve matured and I’ve taken some steps that other people thought was crazy. . . that even I thought at times were crazy. I’ve learned that in order to live, you have to take chances, no matter what anyone else says. I’ve learned to believe in myself and that I am capable of SO MUCH more than I ever imagined. I’ve learned that it’s ok to cry and it’s ok to change your mind. I’ve learned that there is truly no place like home and that your family is the most important thing you have – even if it takes 3,000 miles to come to that realization.
I’ve learned to humble myself, shut my mouth, trust others and forgive (and they are a continual process that I guess I will carry onto my new years resolutions for 2014. . .hah) I’ve learned that love knows no distance, there are selfless people in this world and that angels really do exist on earth.

Getting married to Colby has been the highlight of my year and one of the best decisions I have ever made. The influence he is in my life keeps me pushing forward and gives me the motivation I need to start another day despite how homesick or fed up I am. I could go on and on about everything I love about him, because he is so great. I love him so much, more than I ever thought possible to love something and it’s so magical and makes me so happy. I’m STOKED to be starting a new year with him and see where the year leads us!

I have some pretty big goals for 2014

1. Colby and I have decided to get fit! We want to take a cruise in 2015-2016 for a real honeymoon and we both want to be hott! (classic resolution I know I know)
2. We have also set a goal to go to Europe in 2020-2021 – before we start having kids. So savings is a big thing!
3. I want to become a permanent resident of Canada! (Not that I have too much control over this but hey – enthusiasm! :)
4. Visit Roanoke and renew my wedding vows to Colby and celebrate with my family and friends from home.
5. Take a beginners course in French
6. Be able to move into our own apartment (After permanent residency is established)

Here’s to also hoping that most of these aren’t forgotten by February! ;)
I’m pretty excited about the new year, wishing all my friends and family a happy one! Here’s to writing the wrong date on everything for the next month!

I love you all!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Silver Bells, Renovations, Christmas trees, Hooplah

It a bit overdue for a whole new post on my blog.

My life has been hectic – but lazy at the same time.  How is this even possible!?

Thanksgiving was a whirlwind of a day. I woke up early in the morning to start cooking and was really excited to share “American Thanksgiving” with my Canadian family.   I surprisingly cooked everything almost perfectly (having done most of it for the first time by myself) and I was content with how things turned out. We had some friends over and enjoyed company and had some good laughs.  It was a fun time –  as much fun as it was though, it was very hard being away from my family during one of my favorite holiday’s.  Skyping them them afternoon was bittersweet as in the background I heard laughing and joy, while I stood by myself in the kitchen my feet freezing cold on the tile.  At that moment I wanted to be home so bad . . .if only telaporting were real.

Since Christmas is right around the corner (This is my absolute favorite time of year, decorations and lights and happy people and music – ah. . . it just makes my heart smile)  Colby and I have kicked into finding deals on presents and trying to make our first Christmas together perfect.  Bummer though that I found out everything I had picked on Amazon for Colby couldn’t be shipped into Canada and I threw a mini fit. . . that’s one thing that sucks here!

That basement suite in my Father-in-laws house is another step closer to being finished! The drywall was delivered and we got almost all of it up already (We’ll be finishing tonight)  It’s so exciting to see the basement look more like a home. I’m so anxious to be able to paint, decorate and furnish the little space.   Colby and I have been looking at furniture, appliances and paint and it’s really exciting to finally have our own private space. 

There was a HUGE roller coaster with the Citizenship and Immigration Canada website – my online signature WAS NOT working and it was driving me nuts. So we went and had to print off everything to send it via snail mail. . . this is after me spending the better part of a day trying to call and get more information from a real person on the phone, but since the typhoon in the Philippines that wasn’t happening.  So after trying ONE LAST TIME to esign – it finally worked and I was thrilled. It’s been paid for and I am now awaiting to hear back from the Canadian government that my implied status is over and I have been granted an extension of my visitor residency.  We’re just about finished with my application for permanent residency and that’ll be out the door soon as well – which will be another HUGE stress ball off my shoulders.

So amidst all this, there is a lot of documentary days where I sit and learn useless facts. Cleaning days when I just am going cleaning crazy,   sad days when I am so lonely I want to cry. Happy days when nothing can get me down.  

But they are mostly good days, because I am blessed to spend every day with my best friend. Someone who understands me, has never ending compassion and love.  Someone who I couldn’t live without. I love my husband! 

Anyway –  I’m going to go make dinner and hopefully get the rest of the drywall up! 

Cheerio 

In this case, the truth didn’t set me free

It’s past midnight now. . . .but I’m stuck awake with thoughts racing through my head not being kind enough to allow me to sleep. 

Majority of the time, my anger actually is a cover up for the fact that my feelings are so seriously hurt that I can barely cope.  Sometimes I feel so betrayed and alone that all I want to do is cry.  

I toyed with messaging a few people tonight on Facebook and just asking “why?”  why suddenly am I no longer of any importance to you? Why is my worth and my life no longer important to you? Why?  . . . . but I chickened out because I don’t want someone to get more pissed at me or push me away further than what I thought was already the farthest possible. 

I already know the answer to those questions though, because it’s the common factor in each relationship that I’ve lost.  It’s been my decision to find my own religious path and be comfortable and confident in what I believe. 

It really hurts me that people I trusted and still love with all of my heart. .. that I would honestly do anything for. . .have total disregard or  zero respect for me anymore.  It hurts to see them continue to be involved and care for other people, but not me.  Not me because I’m different.  

I’ve gotten used to not being like everyone else. I cry a bit more, I’m more sensitive, I am needy, I am loyal when I no longer should be. I have high expectations, I love even though I get hurt because I don’t get it back.  I’m me.  I’m sick of being defined by a religious title. I’m sick of never being good enough. I wasn’t good enough as a mormon. . . and I’m still not good enough not being one. 

I am the EXACT same person I was before. I might have a second set of holes in my ears and I might say damn when I stub my toe now. But I still am the person I was before.  I’m still dramatic, I’m still overly obnoxious . . . I’m still me. 

My jealousy is ridiculous whenever I see anyone that no longer has anything to do with me, getting excited and commenting/liking whatever it is someone else is doing that I seriously just did. Milestones in my life aren’t as exciting. – perfect example.  Me getting married.  Me getting married wasn’t as exciting or cool or acceptable cause, well Colby wasn’t a mormon, we didn’t get married in the LDS temple and I wore a strapless dress.  *gasp* OK so the happiness and excitement to join your life with someone and take a huge commitment is less cool, impressive or adorable because of those things?  I don’t understand. 

I hate needing approval and love from people that clearly are incapable of loving someone who is different or chose a different path. 

I love Christ, I seriously cannot stand Christians.   Because they are hypocrites.  Love everybody expect the people I don’t like, duh!   Everyone acts like I’ve done something terrible and I’m such a sinner. . . . when they have no right to cast a stone at me cause their slate isn’t clean! 

 

I just want my relationships back. It’s not fair that being honest ends up leaving you with the short end of the stick. . . along with a lot of sleepless nights beating yourself up because, like normal, I can’t ever be good enough. 

Jumbly and not enough time!

Wow.

They really weren’t kidding when they told me the older you get, the faster time goes by.

Colby and I have now been married almost 3 weeks, it’s now November 2nd. . . . wow. Just wow.

I look back on this past year and am really surprised at how fast it flew by. It’s November now, the year is almost over. . . it’s just crazy to me!

Colby and my wedding was beautiful. It was a very intimate tiny wedding, things were beautiful and I was really happy with how things turned out. We had a fantastic honeymoon at a gorgeous Suite at the Hotel Eldorado. The honeymoon destination was a total surprise to me, Colby did a great job picking somewhere that I absolutely loved. I married a great guy!

wedding

So things have started picking up with getting my paperwork sent in for permanent residency. . . we are waiting to have my background check completed, make copies of documents and then it gets sent off! I am crossing my fingers for it to only take the minimum of months because this is the MOST stressful thing I have ever done.

Anwyay, I’ve run out of time to really write a detailed post. But I just wanted to do a quick update.

48 hours. . . .?

The days have literally ticked by so slowly this past week… the reality is slowly setting in, but I don’t think it has in it’s entirety. I’ve been so blessed with the help of Colby’s family to make our civil ceremony beautiful and emotionally from my family and close friends back home.

In two days, I get to marry my best friend. I think when we set October 14th as our date, we thought it was far off. We had 3 months when we decided that’s the day we would get married, and it seemed really far away then, and it’s come really quickly, besides this past week of course, that seriously couldn’t have gone any slower.

I always knew I had the potential to be a raging bridezilla, up until yesterday though it hadn’t emerged. I figure that might be because this wedding is so tiny (20 people. . woo!) that it wouldn’t happen. It happened yesterday, and it was quite the tantrum.
My wedding seamstress was so unprofessional and slack that I was 2 shy steps for needing someone to restrain me from beating the crap out of her. Thankfully she doesn’t actually suck at her job and my dress turned out really nice (I’ll post pictures after Monday. . .since Colby isn’t allowed to see) I’m very pleased with it. I didn’t expect to like another dress so much, since my actual “Wedding Dress” that my Mother cried over and I had my “Say yes to the dress moment” is back in Virginia where our bigger and a lot more personal wedding ceremony and reception will be held (I know I’ll be going total bridezilla on that one. . . oops!)

The significance of the 14th goes back to my relationship with my Great Grandparents, Ma and Papa. Papa was one of my dearest and closest friends. . .he was my runaway buddy. I always fled to their house when I was having a rough time and Papa always listened and knew when to make fun of me and when to be serious. They wed on the 14th of October, and so I want to, too.
One of the hardest things about preparing for this wedding, and for even being excited really. . . is that my family isn’t here. The other night it hit me like a brick that I was getting married and none of my family is here to see it. Even though our “big wedding” with our own written vows and my gorgeous dress my parents purchased is around the corner as well. . . and even though this wedding is so tiny. . . this is me getting married without my Mom and Dad, without my siblings, without all of my family and without my best friends, and that’s been a tough pill to swallow these past few days.

I didn’t imagine as a little girl I would be getting married and my family wouldn’t be there. But this is how things have worked out and honestly have to be, sacrifices aren’t easy, but in the end this will all be worth it.

I can’t imagine my life without Colby in it. I can’t think of something more meant to be than my relationship with him. I can’t think of someone more perfect for me, in every single way. I knew him before this life.. . my spirit knew his before we ever walked in physical bodies on earth and I’m thankful for that. He is my other half, he completes me, and thankfully he understands me so easily. Every struggle that has been thrown at us to get to this point in our relationship and our lives together has only made our bond and our love for each other stronger and so even though at the time I cursed those issues, was mad, cried, hated God for it, it’s been a trial that has brought us to where we are now. We’re getting married, because we’re ready for it, despite what anyone else wants to think.

So we get married Monday. My dress and his outfit are set, our Marriage Commissioner is booked, our marriage license ready, tissues everywhere. We’re doing it, and I’m so excited and happy and ready.

I’m getting married!!!

Today, I’ve been doing some last minute planning for Colby and my little civil wedding next week. . . . and it’s really got me into a lot of reminiscing on the past.

I remember being a student and Virginia Western Community College, sitting in the cafeteria with a few of my school buddies which ironically were all guys. . . anyway I was typing on skype to Colby during my lunch break. Colby and I had only known each other at that point for maybe a month or two. All of these guys that had girlfriends of their own picked on me and joked around at how stupid it was to have a crush on someone so far away. They tried convincing me that it would never work out, that people cheat in long distance relationships and that it was a long shot.
I remember the first time I told Colby I loved him. It was awkward and I was embarrassed, but it was exciting to hear him say it back eventually. I think back to how surreal it was to be running through the Salt Lake City airport and seeing him in person for the first time. Whenever I think back on that, and remember it makes me emotional.
I literally, have the most perfect man in my life. I don’t know what I did to be so extremely blessed with someone so compassionate and caring. I almost feel undeserving of him, because he is that fantastic! Whenever I realize that I get to be his WIFE I get to love him and I get to see him every day, it is the most incredible thing and it makes me so unbelievably happy! It’s amazing how love grows, how I thought last year in July when we met in person for the first time that I loved him. I did, but, it’s grown so much and I can’t imagine my life without my best friend.

We’ve made it a long way, we’ve experienced a lot. We have an appreciation for each other that is rare. I can’t take him for granted, because I am always remembered of what it was like to not have him around. This post is really jumbly and doesn’t exactly fit right together, but I just had to say that I’m so excited and happy and I’m so in love. . . I’m seriously so in love and I can’t wait to marry my best friend. I feel so blessed and happy and I just want to tell everybody that I come in contact with that I get to marry my best friend on the 14th.

Everyone said that we wouldn’t work out, no one had faith that we could withstand the distance and we’re proving everyone wrong. Love can’t be affected by distance and I’m a great example of that.
3,000 miles apart and we’ve closed the gap and are starting our life together. Yay!

I’ll stop this sappy post now. Sorry guys >.<

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